Ooohh... not a great day, today. For no particular reason. It feels like for the past two days I've been dragging sad on my shoe like stuck toilet paper... sigh...
Tonight the kids are off to their dad's (I think, I haven't heard from him yet as he's flying back from Europe). And no matter how hard I try, the few houses of cards that have tumbled seem more sad to me than usual... even those 2-card ones...
Am I in mourning? I think so. I'm in mourning because, according to Michelle, I realized a whole lot of change needs to take place, including the losses that come with it. I see how hard the work is if I am to stay true to myself. It turns out that acting and going with the grain is so much simpler, but so much worse for the spirit and the road you're supposed to take. Funnily enough, this doesn't have anything to do with my marriage...
Oh, and the family secrets are still coming. No matter how much I've distanced myself, I get pulled back in. It's so incredibly dysfunctional and incomprehensible. But just like the bowl of boiling water at Shabu-Shabu, crap comes to the surface and as soon as it's cleared a whole new set of crap floats up. And almost like on a timer, every couple of years or so...
Worst of all... I'm not PSMing. I wish I was, then I would be sure that by tomorrow everything would be better...
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