I lost a baby a few years ago. It was my first and only time and it took about a week or so for the baby to finally exit my body. It was only about 8 weeks old...
Just in case, even though everything was ok, my mom and I decided it was best to go to the hospital. Fortunately for me (and because of those strange we're-very-good-friends sort of thing) my friend Linda surprised me that night by calling to tell me she was coming over. Even more fortunately for me, she brought along some "Mystery Science Theater 3000" movies, which for some reason don't seem as funny to me as to when she's there, as she is the Woodstock to my Snoopy.
So between "tee-hee-hees" and cramps/contractions I survived something very painful both physically and emotionally, thanks in particular to Linda.
My mom was another story. She can't handle it when she sees her children suffer, so she was a mess. Breaking down in tears when the baby came out, she hid in the kitchen, but I found her anyway and tried to make her feel better.
Ok, so going back to the hospital saga: All three of us got in the car and drove there close to midnight. As we arrived at the Ormond hospital E.R., we saw that there was only one nurse there, and nobody in line ahead of us "Oh, joy!" I thought, we won't be here long...
I was still in a lot of pain, which we couldn't understand why as the baby was out, but seemingly there is a lot of "other" stuff there... So I asked the nurse for a bathroom, where I could privately push and hope for the day to come to an end.
In comes the nurse with a little bounce to her step. Along with her comes a wheeled, portable potty, I kid you not. She promptly parked it smack dab in the middle of the room we were in and said:
"There you go!"
"Ok, so where can I wheel it to?", said I.
"Oh, no" she said, "you have to go right here, we don't have a bathroom nearby."
Crap.
"Ok, can I at least close the door?" I asked, almost pleading.
"Well, not really, I'm the only one here and I need to keep an eye on the waiting room in case someone comes in".
Which meant, if you can picture it, that there was a straight view from the waiting area into where I was to sit down sans any clothing from the waist down.
I turned the pot so my back would face this older man that popped out ofnowhere and worked the hospital gown so it would cover something. My mom watching over me, the moment came when I realized I had to take a dump. I pushed and pushed and once I was done I got away from that thing as fast as I could, as there were now even more people in the waiting room, they were now multiplying like gigantic, staring rabbits in a really bad, never-ending nightmare.
The relief from the pain was immediate and I said so out loud, I truly felt much better. For reasons known only to insane mothers, my mom walked over to the wheeled embarrasment contraption, looked down into it and exclaimed (I'm not making this up) "Oh, my God!!! This thing is HUGE!!!" Really...
"Gabriela, come here, have you SEEN this thing???" she kept getting louder, "I've NEVER seen anything this LONG in my life!!!"
I did try to get away from her, but by now Linda had gone from an amused giggle to she was laughing so hard she was going to need a wheeled pot herself.
"Linda, Linda, come here you have to see this!!" It kept going.
Linda declined as any normal person would, and my mom, unsatisfied that no one wanted to share her amazement, called out even LOUDER! "NURSE, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?? THIS IS THE BIGGEST POOP I'VE EVER SEEN!!!!!"
The nurse had a heart and I'm sure felt my pain. My mother was embarrasing me in a way never before, my best friend was on the floor laughing so hard she now couldn't breathe and I was standing in a room with my booty hanging out of the back of the hospital gown. Kind nurse flushed the last bit of my pride down with my poop and took out the contraption so the fun would stop, thankfully. I started thinking of ways to divorce my mom, unfortunately I was too old to be emancipated but young enough to still have my mom check my bowel movements...
That was only the beginnig of my night, as I later met Dr. Frankenstein, but that's a whole separate story...
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