My Big Ship

It's good to have a Big Ship.  The one that when I was little I was going to save my family in during a catastrophe, or we would fly off into space if the world came to an end.  I would selectively imagine myself carrying those in despair to the warmth, comfort and safety of my Big Ship.  Where we went and what the future would bring were of no consequence as long as I had everyone I loved in one place...

My Big Ship morphed through the years and it increased in size.  As I grew, I added people:  my best friends, and of course their families and pets and in the end we had a small nation on one Very Big Ship.  Then in my twenties my Very Big Ship was a huge airplane (yes, me the airplane-phobic) and I would pay for an unbelievable vacation with my money that I would win in the Lottery and we would have the best of times somewhere like Rio during Carnival, with my favorite music playing even through the airport while dancing the whole time.  Sort of like a parade of drunk/happy people.  Oh, and even the tips would be taken care of ahead of time, so as not to cause my loved ones any expense in the slightest!

My Very Big Ship has changed again and now I use it as a Very Big point of reference...  It is where I go in my mind when I need to check myself and remember those I love the most.  It could be someone I haven't seen or spoken to in 20 years, or someone I wish I'd had the chance to know better, as well as family and friends.  In a sick and twisted version of "It's My Party" it's also a way to "invite" those I deem worthwhile against those I don't.  I wouldn't condemn the others, I just couldn't go out of my way to save them... as my Very Big Ship can only be so big, right?

Then I remember that that mentality is not p.c. or not even Christian...  but it's only where I go in my head -- where it's always my party, and those who are invited can do as they well please...

...as long as we do throw out lifeboats for everyone else.