Back to the husband saga... I had never felt so strongly sure that I wanted to end the marriage. Of course there was the fear that once it was over I would miss him, which I'm sure I would, so I guess I should say there was a fear that I'd think I had made a mistake and would become obsessively in love with him.
One of the most difficult things to let go of in a relationship is all the time spent with that person, you know, how how all those little things you've become so accustomed to are no longer there. Or that your ex-partner knew all your little quirks, favorite foods, etc. I suppose "re-training" someone is a huge drawback of going back out on the dating scene...
So the kids are another and most important factor in all this, but I always believed they are better off with the parents living apart if there is no love, respect or there is constant arguing. The reason I believe this is because I remember praying to God when I was little that He take one of my parents away... preferably my dad (the depressed alcoholic). Mind you when he did die I had horrible guilt... Anyway, being that our kids are just 4 and 5 I figured they wouldn't really suffer as much, as they were already so used to daddy going away so often...
It took the move to really see how much the little monkeys love the times all four of us are together. My daughter started to get really stuck to her dad and kept requesting that we all spend the night together. And that's how we came to spend every night (that he was in town) together since we moved out. At first I would sleep on the couch if we were at the big house, but he would sleep in my bed when in the apartment. No matter how much I tried to say I'd rather be alone, somehow I always ended up waking in the morning with him next to me.
Go figure!
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