She graciously sent me some emails he had written her, plus a letter that truly broke my heart. I know many people think that's insane, but I guess if you are really going to try to fix your life, you need to know what it is you are fixing... So it helped to know that he was capable of using me as an excuse to get the attention of another woman. It helped to know how much he "sold me" for (cheap), how he "threw me under the bus" (in heavy traffic), and all the dirty tricks people use to get pity or love or a combination of both. I just never thought I would have to defend myself, mistakes and all, in the eyes of my husband. Now I was not only comparing myself to her, but to his shattered image of me. He had never thought I was perfect.
It is bad enough to have insecurities, but to have the person you know and love most intimately use those insecurities as a reason to NOT be with you can be devastating.
Continued... (I think I'm going to switch my journal elsewhere, this 2500 character limit is killing me!)
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