Emotion Salad

I had started a whole new entry today, but I had to go offline and of course I lost it.  It was good, too.

So the last time I wrote I was or had moved out.  Yes, indeed, I now had an apartment and had become a "single mom".  I felt:  empowered, ambivalent, sad, excited, volatile, focused, angry, giving, rejected and beautiful (I'm sure I'm leaving out a few other emotions) all at the same time.  For the record, more than beautiful I felt sexy.  It was almost as if the title of my journal (which I had picked before my life turned upside down) was so befitting it had become an irony.  And I wanted to become friends with the four on HBO, the four I used to think were redundant, silly, whatever.  I now wanted to step through the screen and walk the streets of Manhattan carefree, confident and with my new friends, Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda and Freedom.  I would even consider buying a pair of Manolos... but most likely on eBay, so that I could only be a slave to things like fashion:  shallow, unimportant, replaceable, but most of all repairable.

I moved most of my things out, but it did take me a few days.  Fortunately, my husband had to go to Mexico and that gave me time to empty out my closet.  I was really going for the shock of him coming home and seeing all my stuff gone -- even left a picture of us on his side of the walk-in closet.  I could almost hear his voice on the phone saying how strange and sad it was to come home and realize I was really gone.  Maybe for good this time.

In case I didn't mention that he is Scandinavian, it should help explain why I'm still waiting to hear how sad and shocked he was upon his return from Mexico.  Sigh... 

(By the way, feel free to leave comments.  I would find it very therapeutic)