When all else fails...

...write on your journal.

Thanks to Wendela and her gathering of our virtual posse, the calvary came and when the dust settles we'll know if the guys in white really won (2 weeks from now).  But as with any battle there were some casualties and everyone gets either dirty or scarred...

My parents' lawsuit has ended.  I feel so much anguish writing this, but I have to write because at the moment I have nowhere else to go dump.  I spoke to my mom and she told me how my step-dad had to hear all these horrible things his children thought of him and said about him.  Although my mom has been attacked from all sides, she kept her cool and seemingly passed her testimony with flying colors, or, as I like to say, with the truth.

Suffice it to say that words were so damaging, they do not need to be repeated.  But, when the case was over, and my parents left the courtroom my step-dad looked over at his children and cried.

For those of you who know Bob, you know this is utterly devastating.  For those of you who don't:  this is the one man I've ever known that could instill fear in anyone, the man who would never cry, the man who was self-made and tough as nails.  Nowadays, he doesn't like to shave, doesn't drive, and loves books on tape.  And is killing me.

I don't really want to be a drama queen, or come across as one.  But by nature I have this very strong urge to go to my step-dad and hug him, and make him feel so much love that it will help alleviate that which his biological children took away (at least in my mind).  And as it stands right now I can't, and most likely never will.  There is such a strong chance that he will pass away before I see him, it's killing me. 

Today I told him I loved him, and he told me he loved me too.  His voice was much quieter, though, almost faint.  I thank God my mom didn't leave him, and I hope at some point he will realize that he is loved, above money, above blood, above all things material.  Unconditionally.

I wanted a father to replace the one I lost.  His children have a father who want to replace him with money.  But it's ok.  Because in my mind my real dad is in heaven and my step-dad loves me like a daughter, and as long as that bond is strong, whether one-sided or not, it's unbreakable. 

G