Damn...

I don't know why. I mean, I *do* know she killed herself because she had cancer, but what I don't know is why it happened. Know what I mean?

I got in touch w/her brother on Facebook, and I had hoped that at some point, when I traveled back to Florida, I could meet up with her. She was so fun, so sweet... I knew in High School she had a crush on me although we hadn't spoken about her sexual preference... of course she was a lesbian, but the kindest one I've ever met.

I, on the other hand, had a crush on her brother. Not only was he crazy-cute, but he was a bad boy. Fortunately for me I was too goofy to go near him or he would have chewed me up and spat me out in 5 minutes. Fortunately for me, I had Suzie to bring me down to the reality of her "bad-ass" brother and how unattainable he would be for little ol' me... Fortunately for me, I had Suzie as a friend. DAMNIT. I always enjoyed our friendship, even when I distanced myself a bit so as not to confuse her. Even then, I never thought she would end like this.

I don't know how she did it. All I know is that she took care of her things and left everything (supposedly) in order. Then she took her own life.

And my chance to ever see her again.

Damnit.