My daughter's new dog, Tiki, finally went into heat. She is the smallest dog that's ever walked this earth and (of course) the cutest (at probably 2 lbs. wet and with ankle weights).
I noticed this change last night, after she used her training pad in the house. Couldn't wait to tell my daughter (who was at her dad's), so I called her immediately. The first thing she said was something about it not being possible that her dog get her period before her, and then she begged me to not "make" her dog have babies, but to let the dog choose (huh?).
Anyway, she said this because her last dog, Carmela, was cruelly forced into (no pun) mating with this hideous creature: a teacup-size poodle stud, all-white, 2.5 lbs., with a member he could proudly base a rap career on, walking toward us whilst moving his pelvic area back and forth. He was terrifying, much more so than a Chuckie doll waiting to give you an OB exam.
As I held helpless Carmie, and offered up her virginity to Satan's Lapdog, the matter-of-factly pimp of a woman that was the other dog's owner reached for her dog's penis and proceeded to insert it in said virgin's hole.
"Is this really necessary?" I thought to myself, as Carmie turned her head towards me with imploring eyes. "Why? What's with the inserting gross things inside me?", she seemed to say. To make matters worse, the Madam told us (my step-daughter Kelly was with me, just because I self-destroy by bringing witnesses into my ever-evolving world of crazy) to hold Carm butt-to-the-sky to make sure the "stuff" went in.
Some of it did, some of it did not. Some went on Kelly, as she had held Carmie with comforting love. She then quickly passed her to me, butt down. Grossed-out and alert, I reached for her and turned her butt up again. Carmie whimpered, so butt down. As I brought her closer to me, butt back up. Yes I felt bad for treating her like a snow globe, but I knew if any of Satan's Lapdog's jizz went anywhere on me I would be cursed with feeling it indefinitely on whatever spot it landed. Because if a wet kiss on the cheek doesn't go away so easily...
Thankfully, my daughter (Carmela's owner) was too young to personally witness this, although she remembers the incident because afterwords Carmela developed an infection that almost took her life, and that was a big deal at our house. She was literally minutes away from a ruptured uterus that would have been the end of her. But she survived.
Carmie's attitude toward male dogs did change after this incident, especially since she had to have all of her reproductive organs removed. Regardless, she was a good dog.
And a true bitch.
In memory of Carmela, whom I miss dearly, and haven't given up on.
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