As terrifying as many of my dreams are, sometimes I’ll have one that reeks of absurdity. And me being me, I wake up from it and eventually stop taking dreams so seriously and find the comedy in them.
Last night I was incredibly bothered by a new law in California. Here is my story:
I was very rushed walking down the street (I think it was downtown?) talking on the phone. I had so much to do. I was supposed to meet my friend Dene so we could go looking for movie stills of some movie he had been in (first and only acting job he ever had – and he’s a 40-something interior designer). I also had to prepare some sort of Holiday dinner (I only had a piece of roast, a banana and some flour, which I could turn into crepes. Oh, and the kids found some huge grapes). The street was full of people, lots of them just sitting – on benches, on steps… Suddenly, I ran smack into a cop. I looked up from my phone call and the stern look on this officer’s face prompted me to quickly lower the phone to my side.
Looking down he said to me, “Ma’am, you do know there is a new law in California, don’t you?” “Yeah…” I tentatively answered. “Not only are you not allowed to drive and talk on the phone, but the new law states you can’t walk and talk either.” “Please don’t arrest me, officer, I just forgot, with the holidays and all… I’m sorry” I said. He continued, “However, the rule is that if I escort you to an area where you can safely sit down and continue your conversation, you can avoid a ticket or arrest.”
(Advisory - NO THIS IS NOT A PORN DREAM)
Off we went, down the block until we came to some steps. He said I could sit there because it was an approved area, so I sat down and resumed my conversation.
I was really pissed off because I thought that the whole “no walking and talking” law really made cell phones useless anymore, and as I looked around there were so many people now… sitting. And because the law stated you must sit and talk in a safe area, nobody could sit on a curb, or near the street so seats and steps had become the new parking spaces.
Thus, downtown had become a gigantic game of Musical Chairs. As soon as a phone rang, people would scurry for a seat, as if the music had suddenly stopped. As soon as a ringing sound would hit the airwaves, whether it was your phone or not, you had to be ready. Some people wouldn't even get up at all, lest they lose their seat...
Furthermore, there was also a law against becoming involved in intense conversation with a passenger while driving in a car. If the conversation was light and casual it was ok, but nothing that would require any distracting thoughts, or any engaging thoughts at all. How did the police knew how intense the conversation was, you ask? By the look on people's faces or their gestures, thus making it impossible for those of us of Italian descent to communicate with anyone at all while in a car.
Discussions of this law extending to "not engaging in deep conversation while walking" was also in the works. Something our government was considering passing in 2009.
I don't make this up. My brain does. The same way I wake up most mornings with a song in my head, making it the official "Song Of The Day". Today it was "Save A Prayer" by Duran Duran. I'll try to post these as the DJ living in my head lets me know what they are, given that it's not his day off or is called to work a wedding.
True story, I don't make this up, my brain goes on its own free will.
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