Who's the fairiest of them all?
Who gives a shit?
Me.
I've always given a shit, because it seemed that even though the wicked stepmom was vain and wanted to be the most beautiful, sleeping Beauty truly was and because of that she would get a handsome prince to fall in love with her and show the uglier one that the most beauty wins. I distinctly remember linking beauty with kindness, fairness and all that was good, and ugly with meanness, hatred and all that was bad. I'm not blaming the fairytales, but they most certainly didn't help matters of self-confidence much.
In school I recall the "pretty/ugly" lines, when other girls would watch us walk by single-file and point and call out who was pretty and who was ugly. Sometimes you were nothing. I was that many times. I was that not because of anything but the fact that "pretty" were the friends and "ugly" were the enemies. I know those girls knew the Sleeping Beauty story.
What I'm writing is very predictable. The 3 main ones (Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella and Snow White) were always beautiful. What about the Ugly Duckling? Happy ending *after* he became a swan.
Fortunately, I saw the old black and white "Huntchback of Notre Dame" and it made me cry. I was very young, but it made me see that it was the "beautiful people" that could act the ugliest and all of a sudden everything balanced out. The world sucked and that was that.
I do wonder what the world would be like without mirrors. How would we be if we didn't really know what we looked like? How would it be if we had to depend on others for our grooming? The only thing I would truly miss would be to not be able to pop a zit, or get an eyelash out of my eye, as I don't like for anyone else to do those simple pleasures for me.
There are days I wake up feeling beautiful. I go around *convinced* I'm the fairiest of them all and I'm nice and kind and polite and by the time I get a chance to look in the mirror I realize I didn't look as good as I thought, indeed I look like one of the step-sisters. Those are the worst days, the days when the mirror cracks. If I hadn't looked I would have carried on with my day thinking I was Snow White and I would have dreamt of that handsome prince. But the mirror reminds me that I'm not exempt. That I might not be "good enough" in many occasions, that even if I think I'm a good person, in reality I'm not, and that my husband could indeed leave me for another woman at any time. This helps me appreciate him more, as well as everyone around me that loves me no matter what.
All in all, I still secretly wish there were no mirrors, not so much because of anyone else, but more because of me and because I know in my heart that beauty counts, albeit only in this world, but this is where I have to live.
Someday I hope to really not give a shit.
2 comments:
Gabe, you are one of the most beautiful people I know INSIDE and OUT! And not only are you a good person you my friend are a GREAT person. And should your husband leave you for another it would be his loss. I know that may sound cliche' but it is the God's honest truth. Who else would put up with what you have...(well probably me, but that goes back to our co-dependency issues).
And now you are about to get me on my soap box. I DO NOT EVER want to hear you say that the fact that he could leave you at anytime for another woman makes you appreciate him more. You need to appreciate him for the things he does for you, the ways he makes you feel about yourself and NOT the fact that he stays with you. I did that for WAY to frickin' long...that's why I'm so defensive of YOU right now. Gabriela you are golden and don't forget it!
I was wondering why you haven't written on here in a while..sounds like you have been down on yourself and you have no reason to be. You have done everything possible to make your marriage a success and don't beat your self up about it and think that you are not worthy of his ADMIRATION. Having him be there is one thing, having him love and admire you is diffferent and when things start to change, you start to doubt yourself and get angry; I know because I've been there. Anger brews hatred and ugliness and that's what makes the mirror crack. Now think about what a truly great person you are...I mean seriously meditate about the kind of person you are and then go look in that mirror and you will see Snow White. She's been there all along. I love you! Patti
Thank you so much, my sweet friend!! But I do feel like I must clarify something... The days when "the mirror cracks" are the days when I'm more appreciative of him. For example, I could be PMSing, or doing any combinations of the disgusting things my body did involuntarily when I was pregnant (try most bodily functions all at the same time!) and he still thought I was beautiful, which is something I do appreciate about him. You know I hardly ever wear makeup and I dress down everyday, but he never says a thing... I don't know, I appreciate him more those days because I know I've been very demanding of him... I really have been when I think about it. He could have had the easy way out with other women, but he chose a life with me because he wanted a quality relationship, no matter how much we have to work at it. He was an atheist when we met, and now he reads the Bible!!! :-)
As funny as it may seem, Stefan is the only person who ever really made me feel beautiful. I never went through that period of insecurity, when you feel like you have to have makeup on so he won't see you looking bad. He was always accepting of me and whatever I've wanted to do or look like...
Maybe I should write about this on my journal!!
:-)
G
Post a Comment