SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME why I love my husband so much. At this point it is probably the fact that we have so much history together and I'm a sucker for melancholic memories.
Things have changed and at the same time they haven't, and I have not enough patience to wait for them to. The truth is, I don't know what would happen if I did run into a George Clooney (a man I would find incredibly attractive) and he wanted to steal me away. All I do know is that in almost 10 years of marriage and 2 1/2 of dating I never found any man to be enough for me to give up the man I already have. I know I would die for this man as well, and that life would not be the same without him. I always felt that no woman besides me would love him enough and I've always wanted to fiercely protect him from anyone who would cause him harm (I get that way when I love much). It's the day-to-day that's killing me. And it's the same little bullshit things that I take as signs that he doesn't care.
Ok, now I'm boring myself, so onto something else.
In talking with my lesbian friend Amy about her relationship with her girlfriend, she was saying how they talked about the time they were broken up and how Charla (the girlfriend) didn't want to and wouldn't have anyone else INSIDE her... say what?? Amy has a penis??? (I am now as dense as my mom.) Amy looked at me like she hadn't realized I was stupid until just now and was surprised by it. I didn't ask if she had a penis of course, but I did say "what do you mean?" which is just as bad -- or maybe worse? Amy patiently said it was their hands that they used. "Aaaa-...ha!" I said, all the while thinking "well, that clarifies that!! I always thought they did other stuff and didn't like to be "entered". What do I know, I never planned to be a lesbian anyway.
I must say, though, that in seeing my friends when they are together, they seem way happier than any of the regular hetero "breeder" couples I've seen, ourselves included. The "girls" still spend every minute together mostly giggling and enjoying each other's company, after being together for the last 7 years as a couple in some of the worst possible living situations...
That's what I want, I want my husband to want to spend time with me and make an effort to. I want him to giggle with me as if we had some really great inside jokes. I want him to run home because he can't wait to be with me.
And while I'm at it, I want world peace and a billion dollars.
All the good memories seem to push the bad ones away don't they. I HATE THAT!!!! And Men; don't even begin to ask me how they think, for I haven't a clue. You and I are both nurturers and will go thru hell and back and bend over backwards to please...we have always been that way and probably always will. I still miss you know who, and if he were here things would be the same as they were and I was miserable then...no winning.
ReplyDeleteI asked Mark if he would come over and help me rip the carpet out of the master bedroom, no problem he came right over..and not only did he help me with that he asked what about the other bedrooms. I told him we could do that another time..he said let's just knock it out and do it. We removed the carpet from all 3 bedrooms. I was amazed..had Craig been here he would have been playing his video games and just watch me work....And I miss him why??????????
Time to put the rubber band back on my wrist and snap it. A few times.
If you feel the need to get out of time come on back.I have been painting up a storm and were SOOOOOOOO right, that is AWESOME therapy.
I love ya! Patti
I told you painting was great!!! By the way... do you have an extra rubber?
ReplyDelete:-)
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