I'm so sad right now. I just got back from my old TaeKwonDo school feeling a deep sadness, so I thought I'd write to see if anything interesting comes out...
Let's see: I went by there today because they were having a test, but this test included the Black Belts (they only test twice a year). It was really nice seeing friends I hadn't seen in a fairly long time. It was even nicer that they were happy to see me, so much so that two of the testees thanked me during their thesis, and that was incredible - the best part is that they were 9 and 10 years old... the best!!! There really is nothing sweeter than being loved by children. They have a way of loving through somewhat idolizing those they love. I know I can't be both, but I would love for my children to love me as their mother and as their little "idol", but they've seen too much of me for that to ever happen... Regardless, I'd rather have their mommy love.
Anyway, I finally told some people why I left the school, and gave them the short version of what had happened to my marriage in the past year and I think that it stirred up a lot of memories for me...
I don't really think that's why I'm sad. Maybe I'm just tired. I miss my husband and this is when it's hard. When he goes out of town and I realize that when he was here we weren't really together. So then he calls me and we have really good talks and we feel close, but then he comes home and I lose him again.
Can someone explain this?
Do you mean you feel you lose him physically (like he's doing his thing and not around) or emotionally?
ReplyDeleteI use to miss Craig all day at work, and then come home and wonder why? I actually kind of liked when he went to hang out with his friends as long as he made it to work the next day.
Sometimes the dream of what and who they are is different from the reality.
I love ya Gabe, P