Writing again

I have now taken what is officially the LONGEST break from this journal I have even taken from anything.  Actually I'm just being dramatic, I stayed away from church a lot longer...

Man, there is so incredibly much to write about, I don't think I'll do it.  Maybe I'll just start small and go from there.  Like my daughter right now, for example, singing to High School Torture Musical on the Wii.  I assume this will continue until her grade gets higher than a "C", which she keeps failing at because she's too late with the lyrics.  In trying to be gentle, I told her a few times "I hear an echo", but she just ignores me and continues to torture us.  The dogs, now not as happy to be indoors as they thought they would be, have ceased all play and I kid you not are trying to cover their heads with their paws as they feign sleep.    

Speaking of dogs...  Malachi had to be put to sleep last August 1st.  A month shy of his birthday, but no fear, I've managed to replenish the brood and we're up to 4 dogs again.  Carmela, Benny, BamBam and Malachi Again (a teacup poodle, a long haired Dachshund mix, an Italian Greyhound and a German Shepherd).  Oh and Cleo the bunny, whose moods are so unstable and frightening (she kicks like Bruce Lee and bites like Mike Tyson) she must PMS weekly.  But when she does fall asleep in your arms she's the sweetest puffball you'll ever see.

Oh, goodness me... soooo much to say!  Gotta take a break though.  

Back later.

One more thing...

I will be posting updates on everything that's happened since the last time I wrote (when Karen died), but that will probably be tomorrow, or the next day.

Cheers,
G

Adam and Eve and the Apple

Adam and Eve sooooo wanted that Apple...

Hence, I called and ordered a brand new Macbook.  We used to be Apple people, but because back then there was hardly any software made for Macs and all and any attachments that came or went through email were impossible to open to/from a PC, we made the big move to Windows.

But now we're here, in the land of Apples.  And since this place has this strangely strong pull which eventually turns everyone onto healthier food, accustomed to paid parking and sunny days as a birth-given right, we have been lured by the California snake to take The Apple.

And just like Adam and Eve, I, being the woman, will be the first to get one.  Hub said that if I like it and basically (being the geek that I am) can make it better than the PC, he'll switch as well.  And if it doesn't work it will be on me, and I'll be blamed for all that's gone wrong in this wireless, electronic Paradise. 

But if it works, eventually our little Cain and Abel will get Macs too. 

And then who knows?  I'll keep you posted.  It should arrive sometime in the next 3-4 days. 

Love Thy Neighbor

There is one thing I figured out this past year that has really been enlightening.

I've always had difficulty with the whole "Love Thy Neighbor" thing.  I think God took my sense of smell away because I had not been able to really love thy neighbor as long as said neighbor had stinky breath, or bad BO...  It used to really piss me off when people used my phone when they had bad breath because the phone would stink afterwards...  so I would clean it thoroughly until all traces of the offensive aroma were gone. 

I also had difficulty "loving thy neighbor" if said neighbor was either: dorky, boring, loud, obnoxious, gawdy, boisterous, braggy, spitty, snobbish, quiet, too pale, trashy, had bad teeth, bad skin or many other things I had no patience for.  Regardless, I wondered why God would have said to "love thy neighbor" when clearly, and no matter how much I tried, there was no love in my heart for these creatures. 

During a particularly care-free period of my life, however, I did manage to love those neighbors whom I felt "love" for.  Or fell in love with.  On an almost-weekly basis, to be exact.  I wondered if I would ever be able to stop loving so much and just find the one true love of my life, and live without the worry of meeting another lovable neighbor that needed my loving attention.

But then I found:  LOVE DOES NOT START FROM THE INSIDE (our heart, which drives us to do nice things for others), IT STARTS FROM THE OUTSIDE.

I have found that whether I like someone or not, when I do something loving for that person (not as I did during my care-free period, but in the true sense of the word) then the love comes.  It's like a phenomenon, but it really works.  Doing a loving act of kindness for another, but doing it for God's love, solely because He commanded it can be an amazing thing to experience.

Thinking back to Karen, and how I used to try to help her before she died.  She used to thank me and tell me "you don't have to do that for me", so I would tell her it wasn't for her, I was doing it for God.  The love between her and I grew in leaps and bounds in a very short period of time.  Saying "I love you" to one another became a daily necessity, and although I miss her now that she's gone, I am the better for having had that experience of loving someone for God.

Asa side note, I also did find my one true love.  And it is nothing like I ever experienced.  But it is rooted so deep inside of me, I am convinced God planted it. 

Back on,
G

All me

My goo-ness... it's been so incredibly long since I've written...

Part of the reason is that I am not sure how my thoughts will come across on this journal anymore.  I know that in wanting to grow spiritually, I find myself conflicted in things of the past, things I've thought or done... 

But I suppose it's all part of it.  We make mistakes, we lie to ourselves, we worry too much about others' opinions of ourselves.  I've always been concerned with coming across too intense, but I now need to make the daily effort to just be me. 

For a while I kept separate journals, but I'm not sure I have the patience for that, besides, I have to reconcile who I am at various times, be it a mom, a wife, a sinner, or a friend.  All of it is me, whether PMSing or reflectively coming home from Mass feeling peaceful... all me.

Ok, so that being said, I am about to start.  Again.

In order to arrive at having pleasure in everything,
Desire to have pleasure in nothing.

In order to arrive at possessing everything,
Desire to possess nothing.

In order to arrive at being everything,
Desire to be nothing.

In order to arrive at knowing everything,
Desire to know nothing.

In order to arrive at that wherein thou hast no pleasure,
Thou must go by a way wherein thou hast no pleasure.

In order to arrive at that which thou knowest not,
Thou must go by a way that thou knowest not.

In order to arrive at that which thou possessest not,
Thou must go by a way that thou possessest not.

In order to arrive at that which thou art not,
Thou must go through that which thou art not.

When thy mind dwells upon anything,

Thou art ceasing to cast thyself upon the All.

For, in order to pass from the all to the All,
Thou hast to deny thyself wholly in all.

And, when thou comest to possess it wholly,
Thou must possess it without desiring anything.

For, if thou wilt have anything in having all,
Thou hast not thy treasure purely in God.

In this detachment the spiritual soul finds its quiet and repose; for, since it covets nothing, nothing wearies it when it is lifted up, and nothing oppresses it when it is cast down, because it is in the centre of its humility; but when it covets anything, at that very moment it becomes wearied.

- St. John of the Cross, "The Ascent of Mt. Carmel"

Thank you...

...so much to Mary, for sending me an email to get my off my ass and back to writing.

 

Meet Mary:

http://journals.aol.com/frankandmary/JustMary/