That's what friends are for

Back to life:

One of the things that kept me from hanging the husband by the balls is the way that he surprises me from time to time.  He has a way of making me feel more loved than I ever have and if you haven't figured it out by now, the sex is great. 

We had another problem in between all of this:  One of his closest friends knew all about the affair and didn't say much about it -- I don't mean to me, but to my husband.  I would think that as a friend, if I decide to go off with a nude dancer 20 years younger than me, my friends would have some advice ready to dispense as fast as a kleenex.  The worst part is that this friend of his was someone I trusted, someone I loved and most of all someone I thought truly cared about me and my family.  I know I sound foolish to the average person or that I should know by now that bond that men share, but this was someone who always insisted the kids and I should try to come around often while they worked, because of that whole family vibe and how it wasn't fun unless I was there...  (or did he say it the other way around?)

As a new page turned in my book, I got a better grab of something that dwelled in the far back part of my brain for years and I will share it here:  What is wrong with the way things are is that no one is willing to call things for their face value.  The friend didn't have to tell me about the affair, but let's really think about this:  Had he shown a certain dissaproval or even made some sort of threat my husband would have most likely listened and not made such a huge mistake.  After it was all said and done, he would have probably been thankful.  People these days are too indifferent, but not out of correctness, but out of fear, or politics.

I heard a great quote, but I don't know who came up with it:  "The average dog is a better person than the average person"

Back to the surprises my husband springs up from time to time.  When the whole thing with the friend blew up (I let the friend know how I felt), I told him how there was the chance we'd probably lose a group of friends due to the "conflict".  "So?" he said, "I've realized I never have fun with them anyway unless you are there!" 

What a gem.

f ART

here is what I painted, and given that I have never taken any sort of art/drawing class the teacher is very impressive... to get me to do that!

www.joanwillies.com

 

The Passion Of The Christ

I saw the movie last night, and although I need a lot of time to convey my thoughts, I don't want to forget the following quotes I read last night that really touched me:

"Flesh of my flesh, heart of my heart, let me die with you"

"When the world hates you, remember it hated me first"

 

These are not verbatim, but it is how I remember them...

 

 

Holy...!

As part of his efforts to keep the marriage together we attended a 4-day marriage intensive seminar in Georgia at the Smalley Center.  I was very content witht he fact that my husband had arranged everything for this to happen (I agreed to go under those terms).  The four days we were there were grueling.  I am a talker and I have NEVER talked or listened as much as during that time.  By the time we got out I never wanted to speak to anybody ever again.  Of the five couples there (us included) there were 3 that were on shaky ground.  I know one won't make it, I don't think the other one will and as for us, well... I only agreed to not file for divorce for the time being.

A couple of months later we attended a Retrouvaille weekend (another fix your marriage thing) and I got so much out of it, plus it was cheaper than the other one and it only took 2 days.  For me it wasn't so much the method or formula they were using, but more than that I reached a spiritual connection I had been missing for a long tim.  What's more, I had to forgive my husband (to find out why I had  to forgive, go to Http://gabrielaj.blogspot.com read the oldest post) and realized what I had committed to 9 years before.  It's not all pretty and it definitely isn't easy...

I did start wondering if we would ever get out of the "help us" mode and be able to move on on our own or if we would just become addicted to all the seminar-style help, but this week I finally felt like we will be able to work on things on our own. 

Now whether we'll stay together or not for good is another question...!!!

:-)

 

What I Believe

I believe that everyone has certain talents and qualities that define the person at their chore

I believe that those who find a way to live and work by using their talents and qualities to the fullest are truly blessed

I believe those truly blessed have found their purpose in life

I believe those who are content with what they have can inspire jealousy, which in turn inspires society to be completely hypocritical 

I believe in "loving thy neighbor" but still being true to who we are by expressing so based on that love

I believe God has a sense of humor

I believe art is expressing emotion - in any way

I believe people don't set out to hurt others, but set out to first and foremost fill a need, be it evil or good

I believe we are all on the same boat, and only separate ourselves by which area of that boat we feel we fit in

I believe there is always at least two sides to every story (that's why I hate politics)

I believe grace is the greatest gift we have that we seldom use

I believe love has been cheapened as much as gold

I believe time is what we appreciate the least

I believe the world is turning faster everyday

I believe we are always on the defensive

I believe we need to relax

I believe Satan exists

I believe in Jesus Christ

Yet to come

My mom called me immediately when Hussein had been found.  She told me later on that she noticed how as soon as she told me the news I immediately called out for my husband and told him all about it...  She said she had to laugh because I don't even see what's right in front of me, I guess...  I hear things like that and I think that it's probably right, I need him more than I think.  But on the most part I just want out.  I fantasize about taking off a la "Sleep While I Drive" (by Melissa Etheridge), if I could just find the right person...

I started with those fantasies way before the affair.  I really wanted more, but much less in many ways.  It's so hard to explain, but I wanted so much more by doing less...  The same way that something sensual is so much better that sexual, a book is much better that the movie, an acoustic session in a small venue so much better than a concert in a huge arena...

My husband is very ambivalent as to who he is.  When I ask him about it, sure, he'd love to just take off and live off coconuts on some island or go on a hiatus for a year and paint.  But when it comes down to it, he never stops.  I think he's addicted to the stress as much as he is to coffee.  As a matter of fact, he's so wound up that coffee doesn't affect him most times, although, like an alcoholic, I can tell when he's had his fix.

My song of the moment is "The Best Is Yet To Come" by Luba (off the 9 1/2 weeks soundtrack).  It has to be one of the best songs for women starting over.

And whether I stay married or not...  I am planning on starting over.

Me, Myself And I... And Him, And Them

Back to the husband saga...  I had never felt so strongly sure that I wanted to end the marriage.  Of course there was the fear that once it was over I would miss him, which I'm sure I would, so I guess I should say there was a fear that I'd think I had made a mistake and would become obsessively in love with him.

One of the most difficult things to let go of in a relationship is all the time spent with that person, you know, how how all those little things you've become so accustomed to are no longer there.  Or that your ex-partner knew all your little quirks, favorite foods, etc.  I suppose "re-training" someone is a huge drawback of going back out on the dating scene... 

So the kids are another and most important factor in all this, but I always believed they are better off with the parents living apart if there is no love, respect or there is constant arguing.  The reason I believe this is because I remember praying to God when I was little that He take one of my parents away... preferably my dad (the depressed alcoholic).  Mind you when he did die I had horrible guilt...  Anyway, being that our kids are just 4 and 5 I figured they wouldn't really suffer as much, as they were already so used to daddy going away so often...

It took the move to really see how much the little monkeys love the times all four of us are together.  My daughter started to get really stuck to her dad and kept requesting that we all spend the night together.  And that's how we came to spend every night (that he was in town) together since we moved out.  At first I would sleep on the couch if we were at the big house, but he would sleep in my bed when in the apartment.  No matter how much I tried to say I'd rather be alone, somehow I always ended up waking in the morning with him next to me.

Go figure!